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  • Writer's pictureA Friend of Jesus


Updated: Jan 2, 2022

Taking Time to Ponder

I did something today that I don't normally do. I took the day off of work in the middle of the week. In my last post I mentioned the struggle. I felt oppressed in my soul all day yesterday and it increased greatly over night. I prayed, listened to scripture and praise songs, but the gloom was strong. I couldn't seem to shake it.

Today I woke up sobbing uncontrollably. I don't remember dreaming but the feeling of sadness was so overwhelming and I couldn't stop crying. What on earth was wrong with me? Even the dog was at a loss with this new alarm clock setting. It was one of those "out of control" moments where I felt I would just explode into tears if I went to work and was confronted with yet another problem to solve. I just wasn't up to it. So I called in sorrowful. Luckily my boss is a pretty understanding individual.

Holidays for me have become times of struggle. I long for family closeness like we had when I was younger. Mom's house was always a bustle with people of all ages, music, laughter and fun times. I really miss that, even though many of those times I escaped to my bedroom to paint. I still have a longing for the family that I never get to see. Holidays are just a reminder of my Texas exile.

This July 5th was the anniversary of my father's passing. I remember that night clearly. I was sleeping on the floor of his room listening to his labored breathing. When it stopped I was both relieved and a little frightened. I do miss him. He used to call me to have lunch or just chat. I realized this morning when I went for a drive that I was missing everyone. The list was huge! It wasn't just family or people who had passed away. I was missing friends, co-workers, whole towns of people. It was the oddest feeling.

I decided to take Wagsley to his favorite spot, the dog park. Except for about 8 other dogs it was empty, but he didn't seem to mind. We walked around the 15 acre park. He played in the mud puddles, sniffed every blade of grass, and marked a thousand trees. I meandered along behind him and was bewitched by the sound the trees were making. They seemed to be singing a strange tune. It was a cross between rattlesnake and crickets. There was a rythm to it that made me feel like I was in the middle of some fantastic magical orchestra. One group of trees would sing and then as they faded, the next group of trees would answer.

Of course I know they were cicadas and not trees, but because bugs are small and mostly hidden among the foliage, it gives their song the impression of being produced by the trees. As I walked and listened I looked up in the cloudy sky. There was a break in the clouds and a splash of rainbow color appeared. I needed this reminder of who God is. I was not alone and He knew I would look up at just the right time. The crazy thing about this rainbow was that it wasn't shaped like a rainbow. It was shaped like a puffy rainbow colored cloud and that made me stare at it for a long time. At first it was colored with rainbow colors, but as the clouds moved it slowly turned into a golden cloud. There were no other colors present, just a pure beautiful gold color in the middle of all the gray clouds around it. That was when the gloom in my heart broke.

Imagine Jesus knowing me so well that He prepared this little miracle just for my eyes. I don't know if anyone else saw it. It was certainly the coolest thing I had ever seen when it comes to rainbows. It even made one of those rare triple rainbows look like an every day occurence. Imagine Jesus walking with me in the park. I was in no hurry to go anywhere. I just needed to see him there, feel him there, and be with him there. In the sound of cicadas and the promise in the rainbow that everything would be okay, he pulled me through yet another day where I just wanted to give up.

So when you hear cicadas, listen closely. I think that they are praising God. When you see a rainbow, watch it for a long time. Everything that is here is an amazing proof of a creative creator who loves us. We can't understand the sounds coming from the trees, but he can. We can't replicate his rainbows, but we can be assured they all carry a promise of love.

Thank you for your prayers for me. Thank you for reading. ONWARD!

Psalm 18:30 "As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him."

Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."

Luke 19:40 "“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

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