So It Begins
I am so excited! This little guy made his debut on June 18th! He is the 17th grandchild for my parents who are no longer here to see him. They would be over the moon! My mother especially. She loved babies. My younger brother became a father at 47 years old. He married his lovely wife 2 years ago and now they are a happy little family. While Jordan's life began months ago when he was just conceived, his journey out in the big wide world has only just begun.
What is in store for him? He has a reason for being. He might be a great scientist, an athlete, a constitutional lawyer, a truck driver, or a great evangelist. All I know is that God loves him and has a plan. There is a reason this little one is here at this time in the history of the world, just like there is a reason you and I are here at this time.
These are uncertain times at best and so much is happening that so many are opting out of the whole parenthood scene. How do you raise a child knowing that America seems to be falling to communism? How do ground yourself and that child in a firm foundation of values while the entire world is spinning out of control with lies about gender, faith, family, and freedom? Studies have shown that children from two parent households do better as adults. There is less drug use, alcoholism, crime and confusion. The innocence that we cherish in a newborn is fleeting when they start misbehaving on purpose. How do you guide that little one into the ways that are honoring to God?
I admire anyone who has the desire to raise a family. It is one thing in this life that I did not get to do. There is also a reason for that as well, though I have not figured it out yet. It is a question that I struggle with at times like these. Babies make me cry. The emotion I feel is indescribable. Many things are going through my head. "What a miracle!" "What a blessing!" "Why?" Yes. I try not to go there, but it always happens. When I heard the news yesterday of Jordan's arrival I bawled like a baby. Crazy right? I am so happy for Dan & Michelle, and at the same time sad for myself. It is the one thing that I really wanted, but have had to resolve myself to never getting.
Maybe you are reading this and thinking, how selfish of her. That is what I think when my mind goes to this dark place of longing that I have had to push deep inside for years. I was once told "you don't know what it is like to be a parent." That is true, I don't. I also don't know what it is like to lose a child. My nephew's wife miscarried twins recently. I can't imagine their pain. But I know it must be great. I pray for them. My heart goes out to them. It is not an easy thing. I was sharing this with my neighbor and she said, "I had a still born child once. It never leaves you."
I guess my point is, every life is different. Every story unique. We do not know what Jordan's story will look like, but we can be assured that it will be his own. Every step he takes, every decision made will be his to make. This is the beauty of life from beginning to end we are free to live it as we choose. God designed us to be free. He isn't a puppet master. He does have a plan for each of us, but he won't pull the strings. He will use every choice we make to bring about his plan. It is kind of cool to think about.
Imagine Jesus knowing Jordan before he was born.
Imagine Jesus holding Jordan in his arms and blessing him with a kiss.
Imagine Jesus crying with joy at the life he sees in Jordan and blessing his parents as they embark on their journey into parenthood.
Imagine Jesus holding the two miscarried babies of Joe and Sarah. They are with him in heaven. Maybe he has handed them to my mother and father for safe keeping, or to Sarah's dad who passed away recently.
Imagine Jesus comforting Sarah in her heart with a smile from a friend, a hug from Joe, or the sound of giggles from her other three children.
Imagine Jesus walking with me and saying, "Someday you will know why you didn't have children. But for now you have to trust me that this was best."
Psalm 139:13-15 "For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth."
Mark 10:14 "He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
John 11:35 "Jesus Wept"